Is it love?
by Chester-Luver
Summary: Dawn dies so Buffy comes to Spike for comfort. Both Spike and Buffy realize their feelings for each other are stronger than anything...or so they think.
1. Bad Start

Spike kept his eyes on the ground as he quickly walked to his "home". He bumped into somebody as he opened the door to his crypt. He snarled and looked up. His gaze softened as he realized it was Buffy.  He bitterly snapped, "What you doing here, love?" 

"Lookin' for you, Spike." She replied calmly. Spike rolled his eyes. "Really, what were you doing here?" Tears streamed down her soft cheeks. "Really, I was." Spike saw this and placed his cold hand on her shoulder, pulling her further into his crypt. "What do you want, mate?" As soon as he said this, he regretted it. She looked up at him with hate in her eyes. "Uh…I meant, are you OK? Tell Big Bad what's wrong." Buffy threw her arms around his neck and sobbed. " I…I…Dawn, she's…Oh my god…dead." She sobbed some more. Spike placed a finger under her chin. " Love, tell me exactly what happed." "Angel…no, oh, I can't believe it…oh god… I saw…Dawn, lying in his arms, naked. Blood was…everywhere. She's dead!" Spike's handsome face formed into vamp-mode. He sat her down on the bed. Spike, what are you doing, she thought. "Are you sure Angel did this, pet?" "Yes." Buffy stared into his black, soulless eyes. He snarled and cussed. Slowly, he got a hold of his temper, and he turned normal again. They just sat for a while staring at each other, not knowing what was going to happen next. Finally, Spike thought, I know this is a horrible time, but I have to do it. He leaned over and planted a kiss on her lips. He pulled back to see if see was pissed. There was no expression on her beautiful face. Then she moved in for a kiss. This time it was longer, and more passionate. Spike laid her down on the bed gently. 

~~~~~~

Buffy's dream:

Angel handed Buffy a heart shaped box full of chocolates and a bouquet of 20 long stemmed white roses. "Angel, you're so sweet!" A kiss reached his lips. "I got you something, too!" She jumped up and down excitedly. "What?" Angel grinned. A voice from behind her said, in a rather low singsong voice, "Your death." A wooden stake about 9 inches long came crashing down onto Angel's chest. A look of terror mixed with sadness and rage flashed in her eyes. "Buffy?" Angel said and then exploded into dust. A hand covered her mouth and the other spun her around. The Master removed the hand from her mouth and kissed her roughly. 

Spikes dream:

Buffy jumped into Spikes arms. They were in a flower field. "I love you!" She whispered in his ear. He licked her neck then bit down hard. Warm blood filled his mouth. Her dead body dropped to the ground. Spike wiped his mouth then walked on, leaving her there. " Sweet dreams, my love." He whispered in delight as he walked merrily to his crypt. 

Spike and Buffy lay silently under the white silk sheets on his bed. Suddenly Buffy got up and started to dress. "Buffy-where are you going?" Spike jumped up, reveling his naked body. Buffy would never admit this to anyone, but she loved his muscles. She loved his firm shoulders. She loved EVERYTHING about him. Buffy quickly turned around. Spike rolled his eyes. "Oh, come on, love," he started to grin and laugh, " It's not like you've never seen me naked before!" Buffy turned around and gave Spike a dirty look. " I am disgusted with myself. I cannot believe how shallow and stupid I am for having sex with you! My sister's dead because you weren't there to protect her like you promised!" She yelled and slammed the door. Buffy would never, ever know how deeply that hurt him. Words could not express how much he loved Dawn.  He may not have acted as if, but to hell to anyone who thought he didn't love her. It was impossible to not love Dawn. She was perky, nice, funny and really cute. 

  
Buffy walked out into the bright sun. Xander ran up to Buffy breathlessly. "We…have been…looking…for you." She pushed past him with all her might. Xander flew to the grass. " I don't feel like talking." She said than wandered off. "Buffy?" Was all he could say. 


	2. Decisions, Decisions

Buffy's head hit her pillow and she screamed. What is happening to me? She thought. Why can't I live life normally like a normal girl would do? "Because you're not normal_." _Said a very familiar voice. She instantly sat up. " Who's there?"  

" Oh, c'mon baby, like you don't know who it is?" She turned around to see Angel grinning. "Angel?"

 "That's right sweetheart. I'm back…in Sunnydale. " He read her mind. "No, I'm not good. I'm not here to help you. I'm here to kill Spike…and possibly you!" 

Angel growled deep in his chest as he lunged for Buffy. She moved and the last minute, sending him crashing to the floor. She hopped on top of him, and pinned him to the ground with one hand while she dialed Spike's number on the phone with the other. 

" Spike? Come quick…my place…bye."  As she hung up the phone, Angel grabbed her arms and then flipped them over so he was lying on top of her. 

" Long time, no see." He whispered in her ear. 

Spike kicked down the door only to see Angel and Buffy…kissing. Spike pulled Angel's head up by his hair, and then threw him at the wall opposite of them. He helped Buffy up, then growled viciously as he kicked Angel in the head with all his might. Spike walked away.  When he turned, Angel grabbed his ankle, sending him to the ground. Buffy had enough. She turned around ***not facing them any more*** and grabbed a crossbow from her closet. When she turned around again, there was 2 Spikes! 

Spike 1 ***the one on the left*** said, " He's a shape-shifter! Kill him!" 

Spike 2 said calmly, " Kill him, love. He's the real shape-shifter." 

Buffy looked back and forth from the two. She closed her eyes and fired an arrow… 


	3. Spike Bites

Thankfully, it killed the shape-shifter. "God that was close, Buffy!"

"Yeah, whatever. Get out."

"Wh-"

"Leave." Spike left, completely stunned.

Maybe she's mad. I know, I'll show up at her door with roses. That'll make her happy, Spike thought while lying on his bed. He swung his legs around the edge of the bed and headed to the store. I'll even _buy_ them, and not steal. That'll make her even happier. She'll probably say, 'Kiss me you fool!' Yes, that would be great.

_Ring! _Buffy un-locked the French doors and gave out a forced short, laugh. "Now what, Spike?" She saw the flowers and smiled sweetly. 

"Ahh, Spike! You are so sweet!" She took them and hugged him. One point for the Big Bad. Spike thought cheerfully. 

"Well, the least I could do." 

" Yeah, it _was_ the least you could do! Oh my god, where did that come from?" 

" I don't know, love, but can I come inside?" 

"Oh, sorry, yeah." They walked over to the spot in the middle of the room where Buffy first saw Angel without his shirt. They were so close together; just like Spike and her are now. 

" Umm…uh-" Buffy couldn't think straight. Her heart was pounding and Spike knew it. He knew she wanted to kiss him badly, but she wanted him to make the first move. If it's what she wants, she'll get it. Spike hung his head low, so both their foreheads were touching. He brushed a strand of beautiful blond hair away from her face with his cold hands. 

"Maybe…we should…no, I mean, shouldn't do anything. That's right. Leave. Now." Buffy threw the flowers at him with full force. Once again, he was heart broken. 

" Please, don't make me…c'mon, pet." Buffy could see the pain in his eyes. Well, she was hurt too. By him not protecting Dawn. Buffy couldn't hold that against him forever though, and she knew that.

"Don't call me that." 

" You heard her, leave." Xander grinned. Buffy spun around and kicked him where the sun-don't-shine. He doubled over, silently screaming.

"Both of you! Out now!" She yelled and pointed to the door. Xander left, quickly as he could, but Spike stayed. Suddenly he threw all his weight against Buffy and pinned her to the wall. 

" I'm sorry, Slayer. I love you very much, but you've caused me too much pain. Now you must die, my love." Spike pressed his shiny, long pointed teeth to her neck. She didn't move. She owed him her life…


	4. Love, Thoughts, and Plants, Oh My!

Spike pulled away.

'_Should I hurt the Slayer? Should I let her live? Should I kill her? Torture her? So many choices… Why am I doing this? Well, maybe I should let her go…no, that'll make me seem weak… I'll hold her hostage! I can't hurt her for some reason. She…has a power over me. She my knees wobble; she makes me have butterflies in my stomach; she makes me smile. She is so beautiful. Her shiny dark blond hair smells of strawberries, she always wears vanilla scented perfume, and she wears very stylish clothes. Where in bloody hell is this coming from??? I…think I'm falling for her. No. No, Spike, get a grip. You are not in love with the Slayer. I always tell her I am…but I don't mean it that way. Do I? Oh no…I do. I am in love with Buffy Summers. I cannot deny it anymore!'_

_'Why didn't he bite me? Why did he pull away? Is he going to kiss me? He is looking at me differently. With…love. Does Spike love me? Do I love Spike? I think so…I mean, when he looks at me like that, I start to tremble. When his soft, cold hands run up and down my arms, I get this tingly feeling. He always makes me smile…and laugh. That's why I always push him away. Because whenever he comes near me I get "the feeling". But I think I'm pushing him too far away. He never tries to get me happy anymore, and he barely ever touches my face or shoulder. Maybe I should tell him how I feel…'_

"Spike…I…I…" Buffy stuttered. She wasn't sure she could say it.

"What, pet?" Maybe this will tell him. Buffy took Spikes face in her hands and pressed their lips together. He pulled away, staring in amazement at Buffy. 

" You love me?" Spike said somewhere between hopefully and playfully. 

" Do you love me?" She grinned.

" What kinda question is that? Of course, love!"  They kissed again.

" But this…we could never be, you know that."

" What?" 

" We don't love each other… we probably just _lust_ each other." 

Buffy snapped angrily, " Are you saying I don't know what I feel?"

"No-"

"Yes you did!" She yelled. "Now I'm mad!" Buffy picked up a vas and launched it at his head…


	5. Friends Till The End

"Xander?" Buffy walked up to Xander on the sidewalk. She looked not even the least bit happy.

" Yes, Buffy?" He gave her the puppy-dog eyes hoping she didn't remember him coming into her house unnoticed.

"How…did you get into my place?"

"Back door…opened…snuck in."  Xander's gaze flickered past her. Buffy looked behind her, and saw Spike. 

"Spike, I told you to leave me alone." 

"I know, but can I talk to you alone in 10 minutes, pet?"

"Whatever." Spike left the two friends and headed to his crypt.

"So…you threw that plant at Spikes head?" Xander laughed when he saw Buffy blushing. 

"I was just a little mad. Just a little. I kinda feel bad now, though. I bet he has a bad head-ache."

"Buffy, how are you…with out Dawn?" Xander touched her shoulder, trying to comfort her. 

"I'm…coming along. I just wish you guys wouldn't be so afraid to talk about her death round me…I really miss her, though. I can't believe Angel killed her…and than that shape-shifter pretended to be Angel, which made me even more sad. I just wish Angel and Dawn were back and good and…back."

"I know, Buffy. I know." Xander hugged her. "We'll get through this, Buffy. No matter what happens, we'll always be there for you and love you. We'll help you through anything."

"Spike, what do you want?" Buffy crossed her arms. _God, she looks sexy in that black leather jacket and tight pants. I just want to grab her, _Spike thought and he pulled something out of his pocket and handed it to Buffy. When she looked at it, her whole body went numb.

" How did you get this?"

" It was in Dawns pocket. Her body is all cleaned up and clothed in my crypt. I found her body and thought it make you at ease just a little to have…her looking better." Spike handed Buffy $300,000. 

"This might help out a little for the funeral." She looked completely stunned.

"Thank you…for the picture and the money…there is no way I could repay you ever…we will never be even." Spike smiled.

" Just be my friend, that's all I ask."

"Deal!" Buffy smiled and shook his hand. "Wait- so we won't make-out anymore or fool around? Just are friends?"

"If that's what you'd like, love."

" But…what if…" 


	6. Come To Me

" What if what, pet?"

" What if I want us to be…more than friends?" Spikes anger exploded.

"What? Ok, I don't get this, Slayer! You sleep with me, than you're mad at me, than you call me, than you would give up your life for me! What in bloody hell is goin' on?!" Buffy looked shocked, none the less hurt. She looked at the floor. 

" I…don't know. Whatever you want, you can have…I'm yours."

" You know damn well I want ya, love," Spike lit up a cigarette. " But you're helpless right now. So why don't you take your pretty self back to your home to sort things out, then come back to me when you know what you want, pet." Buffy turned to the door with her back facing Spike and walked off. She said over her shoulder, "Thanks."

"Will, please come over here…I need you…" Buffy sniffled over the phone. "Thanks…bye."

"Buffy, is everything ok?" Willow looked concerned as she entered Dawn's old room. "Wait, before you answer that, tell me: How's everything going…without Dawn 'n all, you lonely ever?"

"No, Willow." Buffy sighed. "No, I am not ok. Spike wants me, and I want him…but I have been sending him mixed signals he thinks. He told me to come back to him when I thought everything through."

"What's there to think about, Buff?"

"That's the point. I have no clue. Why are we in Dawn's room? Can we go somewhere else maybe?"

"Yeah, sure." Willow smiled sadly and they went into the kitchen.

_Why did I tell her to go away? Why am I so stupid!? Well, at least Giles isn't here. He'd persuaded her to kill me. Does she love me or not? Sometimes she acts like she does, and others she just…hates me. _Spike thought. He sensed Buffy was behind him, but he did not move. 

"Made your mind up, Slayer?" Spike still didn't turn around. 

"Yeah, I have." Buffy spun the chair he was sitting in around, so he faced her. She sat on his lap and furiously ripped open his shirt. Spike threw his cigarette on the ground and yanked her head next to his cheek. 

" I could end up killing you, one of these days, love. You know how easily I could snap your neck. I am just warning you." Spike let go of her hair and she got off him. She wasn't sure she wanted to someday be killed. Her heart told her to stay away from Spike, but her mind told her to be a naughty girl. Buffy went with her mind and flung her body against his. 

            His hands touched her every curve as the rolled around on the floor, panting. 


	7. Songs

Month later:

Buffy walked onto the stage of the Bronze, holding a guitar. She let go of all her fears and gave just one little song all she had.

_I am yours, yours forever yours._

_No, I won't leave you, ever._

_I am yours, yours forever yours._

_I may have been unfair, before._

_But I don't care anymore._

_As long as you still love me, everything's fine._

_No, no, baby I ain't lyin'._

_I am yours, yours forever yours._

_No, I won't leave you, ever._

_I am yours, yours forever yours._

_We roam around at night,_

_Until the moons outta sight._

_In your arms I lay,_

_'Till it's time for me to go._

_Then we share a kiss,_

_Sweet and slow._

_I am yours, yours forever yours._

_No, I won't leave you, ever._

_I am yours, yours forever yours._

_I am yours, yours forever yours._

_No, I won't leave you, ever._

_I am yours, yours forever yours._

            The crowd of danced to this and clapped at the end. Spike smiled and walked onto the stage to give her a kiss. It was longer than they both expected. They parted when the crowd laughed and whistled. 


	8. Not Happily Ever After

Spike walked into Buffy house only to be heart broken, again. 

"Buffy!" Spike gasped as he watched Xander and Buffy kissing passionately. Xander lay on top of her. Buffy tried to push him away. 

"Spike! Oh my god, Spike…I'm so sorry! I.. Oh no." 

"Don't…say anything." Spike walked away with unbearable pain seeping into his heart. Buffy rushed up to Spike on the street. 

"Spike, just tell me one more time that you love me, and I'll stay. Otherwise, I'm leaving 'cause I've caused you too much pain." Tears filled Buffy's eyes and she wiped them away.

"I…I love…I can't bring myself to say it, pet. I'm sorry." Then he mumbled, "Really mine, eh?"

"Spike, I will never ever forget what I did to you, and I will always remember you." Buffy turned and wandered off into the road, hoping to catch a ride. Spike left, miserable than ever. 

Spike threw the half-full beer bottle at the wall opposite of him. Dark liquid streamed down the white wall. _Why did I let her go? Why didn't I just tell her I loved her? Now Buffy's gone and it's my entire bloody fault. How could I be so stupid! Letting go of such a caring, loving person! I will hate myself for eternity for doing that._ Spike was furious with himself. _Yeah, she hurt me, but so what? As long as she still loved me, everything was fine, right?_ Spike lay down on the bed, and noticed Buffy's black-leather was next to him. _She left it…for me to find?_ Spike picked it up and smelled it. It smelled of vanilla, exactly what Buffy smelled like everyday. He pulled out a stake from her pocket, a bottle of pepper spray and a condom. Spike smiled to himself. _She always had protection. God I love her. Just let her come back to me. _With that, the door opened and Buffy walked in. Spike looked curiously up at the ceiling, than back at the Slayer. He jumped up and shouted, "I love you! You, you, you, you!" 

" I left my jacket…can I have it?"

"Aren't you…coming back to me and we live happily ever after?" 

"No…I need to leave. To make new memories and start a new life. I said my good-byes, and now I should be off…after this." Buffy walked over to Spike and gave him a bear hug. He smiled slightly and felt something slide down his cheek. A tear. He pulled away and turned around.

"Spike, hon, I know you're crying. It's ok to cry, ya know? Jesus, look at me! Tears are streaming down my face!" Buffy laughed, trying to cover up her pain and Spike looked up.

"Buffy, it's ok to feel pain. Look into my eyes and you'll see 120 years worth it, pet." 

" Spike, I love you, and will always love you and remember you. I will cherish our memories, times we shared, and I will miss you."

"Same here, love."

"Bye!" She waved and left him alone. Completely alone and sad.

As soon as the door shut, he let out a sob. He hid his face into his cold hands and screamed furiously. 

"NO!!!!" Spike tasted salty water spill into his mouth. _Why has she done this to me?_ His headed was throbbing by the time he finished crying. 


End file.
